The goal of my work is to help parents and their children achieve mutual well-being. Using a mutual well-being paradigm means that what ever interventions we use must be non-harmful and helpful to both child and parent. The techniques I use to achieve this goal are grounded in a transactional concept. Transactional means “a communicative action or activity involving two parties reciprocally affecting or influencing each other” and in so doing transforming each other. Keeping the transactional concept in focus I teach parents how to meet the needs of their attachment-challenged children and how to teach their children to meet parental needs in the relationship.
What is natural is for parents and children to earn the gifts of relationship by meeting each other’s needs...If your child is not meeting your needs it is likely because he does not trust you, he does not love you, and he does not claim you. And it is just as likely that he doesn’t know how. You can’t make this happen by loving him, although many good-hearted but wrong-headed professionals have told you otherwise...A child who does not know that he is safe and who doesn’t feel love can not be expected to perform as if he is in relationship.
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Four Essential Strategies
Awareness • Prevention • Coaching • Consequences
Real life examples
Practice Exercises
Most Frequently Asked Questions...Answered
A “Basic Package” accommodation meets the child’s basic needs for food, shelter, and warmth, gives and allows consequences that will evoke caring behaviors, draws attention to the “giving and taking” that is a part of every interaction, and coaches the child to do and say what healthy, normal children do and say. The “Luxury Package” accommodation is the basic package plus family perks (all things that children don’t need but come out of the goodness of a parent’s heart.)
Getting a child’s negative behaviors under control does not mean he is now attached. He is only attached if he is giving positive behaviors to the parent...
